apparently the secret to your success is patron
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
