I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
