look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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