you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
