If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
