Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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