He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
