U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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