Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize