Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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