I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's the barista slut.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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