I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
