Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
