Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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