I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
