i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
