the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
