Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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