Need sex. Gaining weight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
