I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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