Sponge bath it is.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
