i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
