i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
