There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
