last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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