From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
