he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
