I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
