then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
why is half of my head shaved?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
