I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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