I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
