if you like me you must not know who I am
I need to stop coming to work sober
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
