What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
