I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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