Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize