hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also, beer. Big fan.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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