It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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