he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Drake has all the answers
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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