I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I need a burrito and a hug.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
