kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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