I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
