see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
