Sry I called you an 8
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
