So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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