I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
