dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
