how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
