idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
