I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I won't apologize to a one balled man
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
