white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
