apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize