she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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