Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
