It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize