Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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