btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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