Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
