She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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