hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
