im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
