I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
