I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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