but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
