And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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