You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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