I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
