i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
